Our Modern Family

A New Father's Views on Adoption, Family & Relationships

Archive for the tag “parenting tips”

17 Jan 2012
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Parenting 102: Self Esteem vs. The Neuron Factor

Life is filled with proud moments and disappointments.  I guess it is what you make of these moments that will create the lessons that are learned.

It was a highlight for my parents when I was ceremoniously inducted into the National Junior Honor Society.  Maybe not quite as brag worthy was the fact that my mom tried her best to get me to dress up for school that day while not ruining the surprise, but I was stubborn and rocked out an  Aerosmith T-shirt (which didn’t make me look out-of-place at all…sweet).  Further disappointment ensued when I was unceremoniously removed from the National Junior Honor Society a few months later after getting a C in PE.

Twenty years later and I still don’t know how that happened. Read more…

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17 Aug 2011
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Parenting 101: A Few Lessons Learned

So last week I posted my 100th blog entry.  If this were a TV Series, I could be syndicated now.  I unknowingly started this blog a few hours before Nolin was born.  Almost 15 months and 100 blog posts later, life has become more exciting than I ever imagined.

I don’t think as a parent you are ever actually ready…much less when you only have three weeks to prepare.  I had always been nervous about being a father because I just didn’t think I would be good at it. Nolin has made it easy and looking over some of my favorite posts, I realized I have learned a few bits of good parental advice along the way…

  1. Sleep is completely overrated and sometimes difficult to achieve
  2. Nothing sticks with you longer than your first defining moment.
  3. In the beginning there are learning days and growing days and it can really suck when they happen at the same time. Read more…
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24 Apr 2011

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

These days it seems like life is super busy, so I can’t always keep up with stories as they happen.  Such is the case with Nolin’s first shiner.

I am sure that there will be several more bumps and bruises along the way, especially as we are getting closer to the days of walking.  This black eye though was different, and I think may have set the tone for our future.

It was five days ago when we were sitting over at Don & Teresa’s house after dinner.  Don and I were sitting in the living room, playing with Nolin when Don innocently said, “It’s funny that we were ever concerned about Nolin around this coffee table, he crawls all around it like it’s nothing“.  Murphy’s law should tell you what happened shortly after.

Nolin was standing up beside the table with one hand on the edge looking back towards the kitchen and laughing (for attention of course), and then attempted to perform the Triple Lindy of baby moves.  He took his hand off the table at the same time as he was turning back towards it and trying to sit on the ground.  The scene played out like this…balance lost, head goes forward and eye hits the table…parents (and grandparents) wince and gasp in preparation for what’s next.  There was a very brief silence and then the shrieking began.

I picked Nolin up, held his head and kissed his eye telling him it would be alright and that is when it happened…a parent’s worst nightmare.  No we didn’t realize that we were going to have to rush him to the hospital or even get any blood…it was much worse!  As I am holding Nolin, he turned his head, looks at Jenn and puts his arms out for her.  Stab me in the heart.  To make matters worse, he stopped crying within about 10 seconds.

After Jenn instantly calmed Nolin down, we went to get ice for his eye.  He was more interested in eating it rather than allowing it to help keep the bruising down.  Finally we were able to put the ice on his eye for a few minutes, but the shiner was pretty instantaneous.

Now obviously I am only joking about this event being every parent’s worst nightmare (well mostly joking at least).  In fact it probably really wouldn’t have been much of a story had Nolin not chosen his mother over me, but Nolin, I hope that there are a few lessons that you learn from this experience.

First off there will be a lot of bumps and bruises along your journey, but always pick yourself up and realize that there are people there to help you back up. Second, learn from your bumps and bruises and try not to repeat the same action again because it typically doesn’t hurt any less the second time.  With this black eye you only cried for about 30 seconds, so for the third lesson, always try to walk away with a smile.  Finally realize that by choosing your mother over me, you have made her the one that you will also have to seek out for the uncomfortable talks (Jenn I hope you do better than your talk with Axelle about dating while trying to relate it to Beverly Hills 90210).

One shiner down, and I am sure many more to come.  Nolin, you are going to keep us on our toes, but everyday it is exciting to see you develop more and more into your own personality so like the Pink Floyd song says…Shine On You Crazy Diamond!

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05 Apr 2011
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All The Single Parents Put Your Hands Up

Nolin, I have to say that you are lucky that you are not just relying on me as a single parent to take care of you.  And I am also very lucky that I don’t have to count on me as a single working parent.

It started when Teresa’s spring break vacation got extended due to a little problem with Southwest Airlines.  I don’t see why the top of the plane ripping off should cause them to cancel several flights, but none-the-less, they went with the safety first approach over any concerns for our daycare needs.  Therefore we had to find someone to watch Nolin on Monday while Jenn & I went to work.

Our friend Kelly stepped up to the plate and took great care of Nolin, but I quickly learned the careful orchestration that goes into working parents having to get their kids ready for day care and get to work.  I think we take for granted exactly how good we have it.

It started as I had to wake Nolin up in the morning to head over to Kelly’s house.  He wasn’t too happy about being woken up, but he got over it pretty quickly. As I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off, dropping things in the street and running back and forth, Nolin just kept talking/singing.  I think he was just letting me know all of the things that I was forgetting to do.  Luckily I did have the sense to buckle Nolin in, score one in the good parenting department for me.

I dropped Nolin off with Kelly ran through a quick list of things to do and headed to work.  I was only 30 minutes late.  Kelly had an appointment in the afternoon, which worked out perfectly because after a conference call I would pick up Nolin and take him to the doctor to get some medicine for his cold.  One problem…Jenn had my wallet in her purse which meant at lunch I had to run across town and pick it up.  With an extra hour out of my day, we got that taken care of.

When I got to the doctor’s office we didn’t have to wait too long to go back and see the doctor.  It was nothing serious, just a cold and she gave us some low dose medicine to use for the next 3 days.  When the poor doctor went to check his ears, Nolin quickly turned into Linda Blair from The Exorcist.  He freaked out, and didn’t stop screaming until we left the room.  It’s really hard to look like a good father when you can’t even quiet your son down.

With slightly frayed nerves we got back in the car, Nolin had a bottle and I made my way to the drugstore to pick up his prescription.  When I got there Nolin was dead asleep.  Now the dilema…do I wake Nolin up to get the prescription, leave him asleep in the car and make the 6 o’clock news, or do I just count this as a wasted trip and come back later?  I decided to just come back once he woke up.

We got home and I let Nolin continue sleeping, but then realized I couldn’t leave while he was sleeping to walk the dog.  Poor Pancake’s eyes were floating at this point and there was nothing I could do.  Finally Nolin woke up, we went for a quick walk and then jumped back in the car to the pharmacist and then to the store to pick up stuff to make Jenn & her mom for dinner.

I got home and needed to quickly start dinner.  I realized at this point though that Nolin had not eaten much solid food during the day and he was starving (and therefore not too happy).  So I pulled his high chair over towards the oven and with one hand I was feeding him and the other hand I was preparing dinner.

My back started hurting from the back and forth and I just wished that someone had been filming the situation because I know it would have been a pretty comical scene.  At one point I had baby food all over me in addition to chicken marinade, the TV was blaring but the remote control was not within arms reach, and Pancake was barking to be fed too.  Luckily as I was about to just sit down and quit, Jenn and her mom walked in the front door and everything was easier.

For any parents out there who are single working parents, or even just have to be a single parent a lot because your spouse travels for work…you have my full respect!  I barely lasted 12 hours and I can’t imagine always having to be on point like that and still keeping your sanity.  Hats off to you all!

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25 Feb 2011

A Little Less Lionel a Little More Janis

Upon returning from the suburbs of our nation’s capital for my buddy Dave’s wedding, we discovered that we had a major issue on our hands.  Nolin would no longer sleep through the night.  Sunday evening we blamed it on a change in routine.  Monday & Tuesday night it had to be the result of starting to cut 3 teeth on top.  By Wednesday night we were losing our minds.

Apparently Nolin had become accustomed to sleeping in between Jenn & I during our trip.  At the time we thought it would be easier not to carry a pack & play with us, but I assure you had we known what was to follow we would have left our clothes at home if we needed the room.

At 2:30 in the morning your bag of tricks to calm a crying baby is pretty limited so once we had tried everything we could do, Nolin would find his way back to our bed sleeping between us.  Crying stopped, problems continued.

Wednesday night was similar to our night back in January (Chapter Three:  Up All Night) where it was not as much about crying as it was about just wanting to hang out.  At one point, he wanted to play my guitar, at another point, Jenn was in his room with all his toys on the floor just playing.  At any other time other than 4am this would be a welcomed treat but since this back and forth went on from 2:30am until 5am it was quickly losing its charm.

Our friend Megan and her son Carter were staying with us that night so we were doing everything we could not to have him cry too long as to wake them up.  Thursday morning Megan informed us that they didn’t hear anything.  It was settled…Thursday night was going to be the night of tough love (enter menacing dun dun dun theme music)…Nolin was going to cry it out.

Thursday by all accounts was a great day since Nolin had no idea what he was in store for.  Nolin and Carter visited some of Jenn’s family and had a nice afternoon.  When they got home, they took a joint bath in the big tub, which quickly became a photo shoot.  Then Carter went off to bed, and we got Nolin ready to wind down for the night.

I began to feed him his bottle figuring this would be a typical knock out punch, but he was only semi-interested in it.  Then the bottle was empty and Nolin was still awake.  Crap, this isn’t going to be fun. I rocked Nolin for a few minutes and put him in his crib.  He quickly pulled himself up to look at me.  As soon as I walked away, the tears started. So I walked back, put his pacifier back in his mouth and laid him down.  I would have felt like an accomplished parent who stood by their guns if it had not been for the fact that I ran quickly out of the room while he was rolling over to get up and couldn’t see me…but it worked he wasn’t crying.  He may not have been asleep, but he wasn’t crying.

About 10 minutes went by, and then it started. Not just whimpering cries, but a full-fledged assault on a parent’s nerves.  Luckily we were downstairs versus the next room so they were not near as loud as they are at 2:30 am.  Back in January I had the Lionel Richie song Up All Night in my head during a late night melt down.  This time it was Janis Joplin’s Cry Baby that echoed in my ears.  Well it was that song as well as the montage scene in Look Who’s Talking with Kristy Alley and the screaming baby.  While Lionel made me want to raise the roof and have some fun, Janis’ voice was more like a harsh reminder of bad parenting.

Jenn simply said turn the TV up a little so I don’t have to hear it.  A little later she went up just to make sure he was ok, and then left.  The crying continued.  This went on from about 8:15 until 9…then it just stopped.  We all waited for it start back up and it didn’t.

Before we went to bed, I went into Nolin’s room to check on him.  I found him sleeping on the stuffed polar bear (that he thinks is real) with his arms wrapped around its neck…he found solace in a stuffed animal, we found solace in sleep.

He didn’t make a peep all night.  Shortly before I left for work, I figured I should check on him, and there he was sitting up in his crib reading a book (well pretending to read) and he gave me a huge smile and hug as I picked him up…I guess all is forgiven and everything is all right.  Let’s just hope he is a quick learner and we don’t have to practice tough love any more…

Two Happy Boys After A Good Night Sleep

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